Oversharing

I used to be very secretive about my life with my parents and my brothers. I felt it kept me safe from judgment and rejection. It did in a way but it made me feel like I couldn’t connect with people. Now I have a bigger problem.

I overshare about my life and my mental illnesses. On here it is fine because there are many struggling with similar feelings, thoughts, and problems. But sharing with just anyone is a bad idea.

I thought being honest with people all the time about my disabilities would help me to gain friends. I thought it would help me to achieve a connection that was deep and true. The sad part is that most people don’t know what to say. Sure, many say they are sorry for what I have been through but they don’t want to be my friends.

Maybe I have gone about it all wrong. There needs to be a balance in what I share and don’t. I simply want friends who will support me…to not feel so alone.

Writing Blog Posts

I had someone ask me about how I get to writing. How do I get started? To be honest I just write. I don’t plan anything more than just writing my feelings and thoughts on a topic that is important to me.

Whenever I plan every step and thought for a post I end up leaving it in the drafts and never publish it. So I say just to write away! Don’t do it to get more subscribers. That will make you get anxiety.

The whole point of blogging is to have a discussion. To get to the heart of people and connect. When you write with heart and without all the frills, that is when readers will want to reach out to you and give their input on the conversation.

Blogging is how you share your voice to the world. They want to know you are a real person just like them who has thoughts and feelings. By sharing our fears, thoughts, and wounds we give people the freedom to explore more about themselves.

 

Going to the Group

Last night, and yesterday, I fought going to the group. It reminded me of when I was forced to go to anger management and the like two years ago. Sometimes you get tired of fighting, you get tired of having to work on your problems.

My boyfriend pointed out that I have gotten so good at pretending to be happy instead of facing my true feelings. Even if there are no feelings anymore. I feel like a broken vessel that allows the happiness to dissipate. I cannot hold onto it for more than an hour or two.

I did end up going to the group. I am 10 days sober from my sex addiction. I need to also work on my compulsive spending addiction. I spent $500 on a game. It is crazy to think that I used all that money and I still spent more money yesterday on the same game!

Without the compulsive spending and sex addiction, I am just empty with no excitement. All my senses are dulled. But for the first time going to the group, I didn’t feel like I was a freak. Like I wasn’t good enough. It was my place where I belonged.

I am adding this picture of myself. Sometimes it is hard to look at yourself when you are depressed and feel like there is nothing to go on for. I just want you to know, I get it. You don’t have to be happy all the time. Shit happened to you. Other people made decisions that caused you to be like this now.

But the hard truth for us is that those people don’t need to have that power over us anymore. We have to make the decisions now to better our lives. I know this will pass. This soul sucking feeling will leave.

I have to decide what happens to me now. Feel free to share your experiences with groups in the comments.